Saturday, November 19, 2005

The "Bambi Effect" in Action

As most of you know, I wait on tables to support my writing habit until the acceptance gods grant me with lots of mullah for any of my bestselling-wannabe manuscripts I've got out there, but I wanted to tell you about an interesting experience I had today.

Two men in camouflage *great, I know that's misspelled..uh...maybe not, but anyway...* came in and requested a table by the window in which they could see their pick-up that was parked outside. As they had camouflage gear on, I asked them what they had back there that they had to keep an eye on. I knew what they were going to say, but I just wanted to make sure before I started casting judgment their way.

"Deer, little lady. Two full-grown bucks. I wouldn't want anyone to take off with them, you understand."

O....kay. This confirmed my belief that that's exactly what they had back there and my stomach started doing back-flips as I imagined dead Bambi carcasses lying in the back of their truck. But, what really got me perplexed was WHY would anyone even THINK about grabbing dead Bambi carcasses out of a truck with blood leading to their trail?

I mean, think about it. You come across a truck full of Bambi carcasses and what's the first thing you think of?

"Wow, man. Nice dead deer back there. Let's steal'em and take'em home to the little missus to cook up for us."

Not only is this probably the last thing anyone would want to steal unless they were positively absolutley starving, but wouldn't it be the most absolutest red-neck thing to do?

I couldn't pass the opportunity up.

"Deer, huh?" I asked, while handing them their Buds (of course, they'd be drinking Buds, what else?). "And you shot them?"

"Of course, little lady," the one with the pot-belly gut said. "Who else is gonna do it?"

Both men broke out in hysterics.

I, myself, saw nothing funny in it and wish I had spit in their beer before giving it to them, but I continued, "And killed them?"

One of them looked at the other said the one with the beer gut said, "You aren't one of those PITA people are you?"

"PITA?"

"Yeah, PITA, as in PAIN IN THE ASS?"

O...kay. But then my blood was about to come to 1,000 F, but I remained cool and collected.

"Dear sir," I said, "I'm thinking you mean PETA? As a matter of fact, for the record, I can't believe anyone in their right mind would shoot something as innocent as a deer unless you were starving and had no other recourse. I take it by the beer guts you are not starving and that you shot the deer for the sheer fun of it. How would you like it if someone were to come up to you in your own home, minding your own business and waited until they saw the sparkle in your eyes and shot you right in the middle of them just for the fun of it? Would you call this an act of violence or would you call it a fun time?"

I figured they heard all they needed and I walked away.

I doubt I made any difference, but I hope I gave them something to think about.

They ate their meal, paid their check and when they were about to walk out the door, one of them waved me over to him.

I sauntered over there, and he said, "Little lady, I must say you've got a lot of guts, but it's been this way a long time. If we didn't kill'em, they'd be overpopulated and this is our way of helping out the cause."

He started to walk away, but then turned around and said, "Enjoy your turkey this Thanksgiving, Little Lady. That is, unless you're against shooting them, too."

Damn, I hate it when they have the last word.

Yes, I am having turkey. And, yes, he was right.

Maybe I'll have jelly sandwiches instead. I hate being a hypocrit.

3 comments:

  1. I hear this arguement all the time. "If you don't like hunting, how come you eat meat?"

    My comeback is, "I have indoor plumbing, but I don't go and clean the septic tank for fun. I pay someone to do that because it is gross, as is slaughtering animals."

    Then I like to ask, how can killing something be fun? What kind of enjoyment do you get from death? I don't understand how that is a good time.

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  2. I know it is kind of hypocritical but I am the same way. If my family was hungry I could do it, but when there is a grocery store right down the street I see no enjoyment in hunting an animal down and shooting it.

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  3. Without natural predators to thin out herds, deer are prone to overpopulation, which makes the finding of food for the entire population of deer problematical. In other words, predators reduce the population of the deer herds so that they don't all starve due to overgrazing. Minus natural predators, man must do the job. Those hunters were filing in the gap that cougars should occupy. Without deer hunters, the whole of the deer population would die.

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