Say No to Crack

It's all Henri's fault.

See, Henri is a ghost. And it is because of Henri, I ended up playing on the Internet tonight.

Let me back up. Henri is the ghost of the new paranormal, The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, that everyone in the universe who knows me or my co-authors Heide Kaminski and Pam Lawniczak have heard about for about a million or so times and will probably hear a lot more about in the next few centuries. It's actually quite normal for authors to bore the living daylights out of everyone when their book just comes out, so bear with us....we'll be back to normal soon I hope.

But, it is because of Henri that I was playing on the Internet because he insisted on having me find a picture of him in ghost form for me to show everyone what he looks like. Only, it's kind of hard since I've never actually seen Henri and have only what he has told me he looks like to go by.

And I gave up.

But what I did find is going to horrify you as it horrified me.

I have no idea why finding a ghost picture led to this but anyone who knows what it's like to play on the super information highway knows how one thing leads to the other.

Well, I ended up on crack.

Not the crack that sends people to jail crack, but the crack that is out there, hanging around, like it's a perfectly normal thing.

I'm talking about crack like this:

And this...

What I don't understand is how anyone can't know their butt crack is showing. Surely, you can feel the breeze. But, then I got to thinking more about this. It's a fashion statement and I don't know how I was left out of knowing this. I mean, I see it all the time and didn't even realize that it is sweeping the whole freaking country.

There's group butt crack....

Baby butt crack...

And my all favorite...

Monkey butt crack.

It's freaking everywhere! Where have I been??? I KNEW I was spending waaay too much time behind the computer screen.

So, the next time I go out in public, I don't want to look different. I don't want people to point and laugh and say, "Look at that woman not showing any butt crack!"

But, then, I'm not your ordinary woman; and frankly, I really don't think the world is quite that ready.

Well, it's back to finding a picture of Henri. I could send him one showing his butt crack, but then, I don't think the world is ready for that, either. Back to the drawing board....

Tags: boomer chick, Over the Hill Boomer Chick, The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost,

A Ghostie Bedtime Story

Come along little children....it's time for a bedtime story! Everyone tucked in?

Good, because I'm going to tell you a little story before you go to sleep. Are you ready???

Billy Bob, stop pulling the dog by the tail and get into this here bed, you hear me! And stop smacking your sister with your father's Playboy magazine...she has enough bruises after falling out the window yesterday!

Come on now...it's time Mama read a little story to you. That's it...now close your eyes...

Okay, here we go...here we go...

Once upon a time, there were three women who wrote a book together. Come on now, this is good, stop laughing and close your eyes or I'm going to close them for you! Billy Bob, get your foot out of your sister's butt; you know she doesn't like it when you do that! Now, settle down!

That's better...okay...once upon a time there were three women who wrote a book together. They each lived far, far away from one another, but there was a wonderful invention called the Internet, which they found out about and which they used to find one another.

Well, when they did find one another, it was really weird because they each found out that they all believed in one thing...ghosts!

And the reason for this was because one claimed she could talk to them, another claimed she had one living with her and the last one claimed that one came to her in the middle of the night and told her to write to put a book together and call it Romancing the Soul.

But, I digress....

What's that mean?

It means...uh...going off on another tangent...close your eyes and stop asking questions!

One day, they found out there was a man who didn't believe in ghosts. They laughed (over the Internet, it went...LOL) with one another because they thought it preposterous.

Of course, there's such thing as ghosts, they laughed and laughed and laughed. Even the ghost friend that was living with one of the women laughed...it was that funny.

Upon reading further, they found out that the man was going to give away big bucks...one million dollars in fact...to anyone who could find one for him.

Lots and lots of people in the land tried, but no one could prove without a shadow of a doubt that ghosts existed.

That's about when one of the women said, "You know what? I think we could do it, don't you?"

Of course, the other women and the ghostie friend (his name was Henri) said, "Hell yeah, we could do it!"

But, instead of actually proving it to the man, who by now wouldn't accept any piece of true ghostie material as being real, they had a better idea.

They decided to write a book.

The girls wrote and wrote until wee hours of the morning and even Henri decided to write a few words while the women were sleeping just to keep the book moving.

By the time they were done, they decided to call it The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost.

In all that time, my children, not once did either of the women think that they would ever find a publisher and be able to hold this book, this creation, this story of how far one man will go to find the spirit of the one he lost and would pay a million dollars to find her, in their hands, but the gods and goddesses must have been on their side because tonight, my friends, the book just went up at AMAZON.

The moral of the story is no matter how much you want to give up because the odds are stacked against you, never never give up because dreams can happen.

So, how did you like the story, Billy Bob?

Billy Bob?

Well, Billy Bob's had a rough day, but all the rest of you children out there...wherever you are...tell all your moms, dads, grandpas and grandmas, to hop over to Amazon and pick them up a copy. If they prefer their neighborhood Barnes & Noble, tell them to go in and order a copy because we all know that it's going to make three little women very, very happy.

Good night, everyone, and don't let the ghostie bugs bite...hahahahahahahahabwaaahahahahahaha....

Tags: boomer chick, Over the Hill Boomer Chick, Barnes & Noble, The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, Romancing the Soul, Amazon, bedtime story