My daddy died

What a bummer of a night. I just found out my dad died and I don't even know when it happened.

I don't know if you all remember me talking about finding my father about four years ago. I had a cousin on my father's side of the family contact me after doing a family tree sort of thing. He had found me online and wanted to let me know he knew where my father was.

Yes, it was quite a shock, but this was something I've always wanted to know. As the story went, he left me when I was just born and according to my mother's side of the family, he was no good and I was brainwashed into thinking he was the scum of the earth.

All my life, I grew up without a daddy. I don't know if you know how that feels but it hurts.

So this cousin finds me and starts telling me about family members I didn't know I had - aunts, uncles, cousins. Then, his wife's mother (who ended up being my Aunt Carmen) finds out they've located me and calls me on the telephone, wanting to meet me.

So I drive to Wachapreague (where she lived) and find out all I could ever know about my father and the family I was deprived of seeing simply because the two families couldn't stand one another.

It's been a long time it seems since that day I sat and chatted with Aunt Carmen. Then, tonight, I get an email from yet another cousin (by marriage) who tells me he has died. She didn't email me really to tell me that, but it was something that she remembered in her childhood that might be of some importance to me now.

She told me that when my dad and she and the other kids I suppose were sitting there watching The Wizard of Oz, he got visibly upset. When they asked him what was wrong, he said he couldn't talk about it. And she was thinking he was thinking...of me.

I have been boohooing on the deck all night long. See, the thing is, I found my father, Carmen sent me a couple of pictures of him so at least I could see what he looked like, but...I never got to meet him. I tried, well Carmen tried in my behalf, and his wife wouldn't let him see me. She said he was in too bad health for that to happen and I suppose she thought he couldn't take the stress from it.

But...I can imagine it happening. I can imagine sitting by the side of his bed and looking at the eyes that looks like my own and saying, "Hi Daddy."

Okay, so I live in a dream world.

It didn't happen and that's the way it goes.

But I do want to say something. A child, no matter what feelings the parents or the parents' families have for one another, has the right to know both their mother and their father and to deny that child that right is child abuse in the highest form.

Summer Beach Reading Giveaway!

Heading to the beach with nothing to read? Now you can head out in style with a book from one (or more!) of your favorite authors!

Pump Up Your Book Promotion is hosting our very first Summer Beach Reading Giveaway. Four great authors with 4 chances to win!

All you have to do is head on out to one of the blogs listed below and follow directions to win. It's that easy!


As the Pages Turn is giving away a copy of Dorothea Hover-Kramer's Second Chance at Your Dream!

This is the first book to apply the breakthrough insights of Energy Psychology to healthy aging. Energy Psychology is an exciting new healing method that changes the vibrational patterns in the energy fields to produce rapid emotional healing and a sense of well-being. With the help of the over fifty exercises for rebalancing yourself offered in this book, you can face the challenges and opportunities of later life to create a time of energy, abundance and joy. You can visit Dorothea online at www.secondchancedream.com.

Click here to enter!

Fiction Scribe is giving away a copy of DCS' Synarchy!

Thirteen bloodlines, The Brotherhood, fanatically loyal to their gods, the Anunnaki, have controlled the planet since his-story was written. In 1925 Stefano Vasco Terenzio, head of the Terenzio crime family makes a deal with the Anunnaki to solidify his control over the American Mafia. Clever and manipulative, Stefano’s true goal was to put his family in a position so one day they would be able to turn on their masters. Two generations later, the shockwave he ignited was still being felt. Now, as the world inches closer to 2012, time is running out. The only thing in the Brotherhoods way is Terenzio, a family now divided as a truly epic battle begins that will determine whether mankind continues existing in a world of lies, or shatters the chains that have held it prisoner since his-story was written. Shocking yet hopeful, Synarchy slowly unravels the tightly laced reality we have created for ourselves. Blending the metaphysical with conspiracy, fact with fiction, debut author DCS has opened up a world that will force you to rethink everything you believe about your own. The knowledge within provokes the question; do you really want to know? You can visit DCS on the web at www.synarchynovel.com.

Click here to enter!

The Book Stacks is giving away a copy of Dr. Ronald J. Frederick's Living Like You Mean It!

So many of us long to feel more alive, connected, and secure in our lives, particularly now, in these challenging and difficult times. Why is it so hard? Part of the problem, says Dr. Ronald J. Frederick, has to do with a fear of our feelings—a feelings‐phobia—and the consequences of expressing our feelings to others. It’s this fear that keeps us stuck, detached from the wisdom inside us and distanced from the people around us. And yet positive emotional experiences can actually “rewire” our brain and free us up to experience ourselves and our lives more fully. LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want by Ronald J. Frederick, shows how we can overcome our feelings phobia in order to enjoy more satisfying lives.

Click here to enter!

Zensanity is giving away a copy of Richard Aaron's Gauntlet!

Six hundre d six ty tons of Semtex is detonated in a massive explosion in Libya – the last of a deadly st ockpile. The operation seems to have gone smoothly, but within minutes of the explosion, CIA agent Richard Lawrence discovers that one shipment of the explosive was hijacked en route to the destruction point. Days later, a glory-seeking “Emir” broadcasts to the world that he is planning a massive terrorist strike against a major U.S. landmark. And he gives a timeline of one month. You can visit Richard online at www.richardaaron.com.

Click here to enter!

Four great authors, four chances to win! Hurry before contests end!

Guest Blogger: Dorothea Hover-Kramer gives us five ways to practice presence in critical times

I have a special treat for you today! We have a guest blogger. Her name is Dorothea Hover-Kramer and she's been on a virtual book tour with Pump Up Your Book Promotion all this month with book reviews, interviews, guest posts, radio appearances and even a book giveaway!

And...still had time to drop by with a wonderful guest post titled It's Boomer Energy Time! - Five Ways to Practice Presence in Critical Times. This is only an example of her talent with words. If you'd like to pick up a copy of her latest book online, Second Chance at Your Dreams, visit here!

It’s Boomer Energy Time!—Five Ways to Practice Presence in Critical Times

by Dorothea Hover-Kramer, Ed.D., RN, RC, DCEP

These critical times can actually be the Baby Boomers’ finest hour. We are survivors of many life challenges such as career changes, job loss, personal or loved one’s illnesses and shattering events such as death of parents and relatives. More than that, we are learning to thrive in difficult times and discovering ways to share our inner wisdom with others.

Staying centered and present in critical times is one of the Boomer’s greatest gifts. It brings us to the spiritual wisdom that allows our energy to flow from within to help others. We can be the caring presence for others in the center of the storm.

Energy psychology offers numerous easily learned tools to experience our very own center which is really as close as the next breath. Here are five steps you can use one at a time or all together as your time permits:

1) Take a deep breath and let go of the tension you feel after hearing an upsetting news item, diagnosis, report or trauma.

2) Note your emotion and acknowledge it directly by stating “Even though I feel___(state the feeling), I still deeply and profoundly accept myself.”

3) Touch or gently rub the heart area in the mid-chest while repeating the statement above. Repeat it as often as needed until you feel less caught up in the traumatic event and more connected to yourself.

4) Acknowledge your gifts and strengths by listing who you know you are and what you might offer to help the person who is in need or affected by trauma.

5) Choose to be present with your center intact when you approach yourself or a person in need. Listen to your inner voice of calm. Trust that you can attract the resources, including your patience and persistence, necessary to resolve the situation and assist with healing.

As you go through the steps, you may notice a shift in your perceptions. There may be room for more clear thinking and knowing what to do.

I recently taught a class to a group of Baby Boomers that included several who had recently laid-off adult children. The centering steps helped them to move quickly from fear for their loved ones to affirming their own and their children’s strengths. One participant observed with tears in her eyes, ‘“My daughter has already survived cancer, I know she can find hope and another job. I know I can actively support her in affirming her gifts and talents and in being present for her.”

Dorothea Hover-Kramer Ed.D., RN, RC, is a psychotherapist in private practice and the author of six books about energy therapies and her most recent is Second Chance at Your Dream (energy psychology press, 2009). You can visit her website at www.secondchancedream.com.

Win a copy of Dorothea Hover-Kramer's A Second Chance at Your Dream!

I've got a book review by moi and a book giveaway by author Dorothea Hover-Kramer up today at As the Pages Turn! Here are the details:

BOOK GIVEAWAY!

We’re offering a book giveaway! If you would like to win a copy of Dorothea Hover-Kramer’s A Second Chance to Your Dreams, here are the details:

Dorothea says, “No one should wait until a terminal diagnosis to start living more fully. Make a list now of the things you want to do, the people you want to see, the actions you can contribute to make the world around you better.”

Give us ONE thing on your own list of things you want to do, people you want to see, the actions you want to contribute to make the world around you better and leave it in the comment section. Be sure to include your email address or your entry will be void. Contests ends on August 1, 2009 and the winner will be hand selected by Dorothea herself. Your entry should not run over one or two sentences, so please be brief. Good luck!

Hop over and tell us what's on your list and you could win a free copy! You are welcome to comment but leave your "one thing" at As the Pages Turn, please, so you will get an entry into the contest! Have fun and good luck!

Gimme Back My Damn Grasscutter!

You know who you are. You slimy sleazy grasscutter stealer you.

Okay, so I'm stupid to think this is a crime-free zone. Is there such a thing? I mean, crime is practically nonexistant here on the island. This is the only place in the world where I actually feel safe enough that if I made it up 3 flights of stairs and I remember once I get up on the 3rd floor that I forgot to lock the door on the 1st floor, I'm okay. If I die in the middle of the night, I die in the middle of the night.

But that's the way it is around here. You could walk the streets at night and nothing would happen to you. It's mostly tourists who usually are family-oriented and don't think killing someone on a family vacation would be good enough to make it on their fun things to do list. Which I'm really grateful for.

And you want to know what's the craziest thing? I never even noticed it was missing. If you could picture this carport...there's 2 cars and the grasscutter against the wall. And that is it. I did notice the other day how clean the carport looked. Like someone had cleaned it or something and all along, someone had stole the damn grasscutter without me even realizing it.

And to this day I still wouldn't have noticed it missing if BF hadn't come over today to cut the grass. I want you to visualize this grass "that needs cutting." It's a square no bigger than a child's playhouse. That small. It's in the back and is the only place we have to cut because the front yard is full of marsh grass that floods when the tide is high like it's doing right now. So I really don't notice the grass in the back needing cutting like I don't notice a bright as day grasscutter that isn't there anymore.

So, he goes, "Where's the grasscutter?"

And I'm busy, right. Anybody messing with me when I've got ten tours to put together has lost their everloving mind. So I scream silently and go downstairs to see what in the hell he's talking about. "Where's the grass cutter?" he asks again. "I come over to cut the grass and I don't see the grasscutter."

Well, I looked. I looked in the back, I looked in the little room outside where we keep the bikes and the scooters and everything one would keep in an attic sort of thing, and there's no grass cutter.

I'm like in shock. I don't scream, I don't cry, I just like stand there and go, "What the hell do you want me to do about it?" I'm not very good with expressing myself without a few hells to prove my point, but I'm improving.

So I get to thinking. There are about 12 units here. One old couple lives a few condos down to my left and another old couple lives a few condos down to my right and they not only both own grasscutters, but riding mowers, also. For what, God knows because they all have the same amount of grass I do.

I really really didn't think it would be the tourists staying next door and a few units down, more tourists...I really didn't think they'd think to swipe a grasscutter on the way back home.

And then it dawned on me. Next door has these maintenance people. Actually it translates into people who come in and clean the condos in their spare time. And they have a truck.

Okay, I know I'm grasping at straws, but using common sense, well, you know.

So whoever has it, I hope they're having a lovely time trying to start it after it's been under the carport all year long with the water from the ocean lapping over the engine ever so often. I hope they really really enjoy it.

Did Bullies Keep You Out of School?

Interesting article up at Sunday Express. It's an online paper I think from the UK, but someone tweeted the link and I thought I'd check it out because if it's anything I hate more, it's the school system. Granted, bullying comes from home but school is where a child is forced to go, thus has to face the bully five days a week.

For some kids, bullying is very traumatic, yet we as parents feel we can deal with the problem, but the kid still must go to school. Must be in the "facing your fears" manual in your life's plan manual. I certainly must have aced that part as school was where I faced my only fears. On a day to day basis.

I think in that manual somewhere it says kids must go to school to become social. Balderdash. I can think of a million other ways to teach my kids to become social. I told my kids (who incidentally are grown) that if I ever had the chance to do it again, I would home school them. No ifs ands or buts. And if it was a subject I didn't know too much about? I'd hire a tutor. Or something.

About a year ago, a kid from my son's school asked how Ryan was doing. I said fine. Didn't even want to bother getting into the Marfans thing. The other guy who was with him said, "They really treated him bad." I said, "What are you talking about?" And they went on to tell me how one kid stuffed my son in a trash can at school.

I know we can't protect our kids from unpleasant situations 24/7, but can you imagine what went through my head when he told me that? And I daresay anything was done to the kid.

I don't know, maybe your school system is better than the one my son went through and it's not just this, but there were so many instances (guns on buses for one) that I knew if I ever had to do it again, I would home school them.

Win a Copy of Irene Watson's The Sitting Swing!

Irene Watson, as part of her virtual book tour with Pump Up Your Book Promotion, is giving away a FREE copy of her newest book, The Sitting Swing! You heard it right, folks. Absolutely free! Ahhh...but there's a catch. You must be the first person who can tell us where she was born. And no high tailing it down to the court house!

Whoever is able to guess where Irene Watson was born wins a free copy of her wonderful new memoir, The Sitting Swing. Contest ends at midnight on August 1 and good luck!

Click here to guess where she was born and win a free copy of The Sitting Swing!

I Choose Love II

Beautiful, beautiful...



How is everyone's morning? It's rainy and blowy and crappy here on the island. We've got a new set of "neighbors" who've been here all week but I overheard them telling someone they are leaving Friday (which is tomorrow...yaaaay!).

Like I've said before, I really don't mind tourists, but when they are NEXT door and that next door is only a few yards away, it feels a bit nauseating cramped.

This set was a little different from last week. Last week it was a bunch of overstuffed men with fishing poles joined at the hip who liked to party in the carport until wee hours of the morning. Actually I'm over exaggerating to make my point but when you leave your beer boxes in my yard, it's time they left.

This set was more family oriented. I pulled up from work and they pulled in right beside me. I know it must have been 15 of them. "We're renting this. Can we pull up in here?" Uh, no, the parking lot is 3 miles down the road.

So, I try to ignore the situation and change my clothes into something cooler and light the barbecue grill. I can feel people staring. I know the sounds. They were peering at me with their beady little eyes out the back door. I know, I have the same back door and I know the sounds.

My hamburgers and hot dogs are done but I've put my claim to the land. This is mine. Not yours. So, they're like inside most of the time that night except for an occasional jaunt to their cars for something.

The next day even they're not bad. They see the kids' father's boat docked on one side of the dock and my other neighbor's boat docked on the other side of the boat and, get this, this is funny....my ex and my neighbor both went out and bought PRIVATE signs and put them up on the dock. Now, here's the thing. The new tourists can really go out on any dock they want...there's four of them but the general rule is that we four in this set of condos use the dock out my front door. So in order to get to the dock, they must walk down the little sidewalk, through my carport and down a wooden planked walkway, across the road and then they're at the dock they're supposed to be. Well I guess all these PRIVATE signs worked as the tourists decided to use the dock at the far left which was meant for the other set of 4 condos, but I didn't say a word. In fact, we had a good laugh over it. Guess you had to be there.

Why do all families have at least one obnoxious kid? It's a little girl. A little pudgy little girl who is on vacation and thinks she can be as loud as she wants and say what she wants. Of course, the dogs hearing any unusually loud anything will go off and go off they did. Melissa yells, "Shut up, Max!" and the little girl mocks her. Don't you hate that?

Anyway, they leave tomorrow and according to the weather we've had since they've been here, I'm figuring they didn't have much luck with fishing or going to the beach and are ready to go home. We have another set coming in on Saturday I think. For a whoooooole week. Groan...

We don't get any reprieve until August. All of July is full so this ought to be for an interesting summer.

Smoky Mountain Vacation '09 - the video

I was talking to a great online friend of mine, Marta Stephens, comparing Smoky Mountain notes as she just got back from her vacation there (I'm hoping she's going to blog about her experience and hope it wasn't as death-defying as mine) but it just reminded me I haven't shown you my video I made. Makes it look like it was all sitting on the front porch drinking sweet tea type of memories, doesn't it? If it was sweet tea, it was from a McDonald's parking lot as 3/4 of our trip was spent on the road. Anyway, enjoy...

Smokey Mountain Vacation '09

Taking a breather from tour coordinating...whew, been at it since I got back home from the Smoky Mountains last Thursday night. I thought I'd go on and send a few pictures through so you can see what they look like. I did a lot of griping the last two posts, so this time I'll show you just how beautiful these mountains are. Click on either of these pictures and it'll blow up so you can see them better.