Thursday, December 22, 2005

Deflated, Decharged and Over the Hill

I thought I'd never admit it. In the words of Bunny Whimpelton, one of the protags in my hen lit book, "Some baby boomers we are, huh? We're deflated, decharged and over the hill."

Exactly my words (no pun intended).

I've been honked at, trampled on, cursed at and this is before I get out of the driveway.

I'm talking about those luntics that we commonly call "Last Minute Shoppers." I know because I'm out there.

I will admit I'm not the fastest driver out there, nor am I the wellest as I've been nursing a cold which wants soooo badly to turn into bronchitis, but I'm a trooper, and well, I needed a few more things for under the Christmas tree.

Last minute stuff. Stuff like what no one tells me they want until the last minute stuff.

"I would love a new, bigger bird cage for Floyd" kind of stuff.


So, my daughter and I head out yesterday, thinking that the last minute shoppers will wait until Christmas Eve just before the stores shut down to show their frustrated, angry faces, but nooooo...they're early. Early Last Minute Shoppers who don't want to be out there on the roads any more than I did.

You have to understand our destination. Salisbury, Maryland, is a somewhat small city. No backups unless you hit rush hour which wasn't until hours from the time I hit it, yet you would think we were in the middle of NY City. And they were crazy! They were zipping in and out, growing impatient with my gotta-abide-by-the-speed-limit-driving and where I am nursing a cold-almost-pneumonia, I was tired before we even got out of the car.

Inside the stores was a nightmare. I will spare you the gory details. Go out there right now and look into these people's eyes. They're downright sinister-looking.

I believe this is called last-minute-shopping-anxiety. You have one thing to get and they had this 'I'll be damned if the certain store I knew it was in didn't have it so I'm searching through every damn store all over the city to find it kinda look'. Last minute shopping at its best.

Today I feel like a mack truck has run over me. And I have so much to do. Clean. Wrap presents. Clean. Wrap presents.

Merry Christmas everyone and hope you weren't one of those I flicked off in the mall for butting in front of me. I don't know what came over me. I'm really a nice person. Honest.


  1. That is why I get all of my shopping done early! When one of the twins told me she hoped Santa was bringing her a monkey toy the other day, I thought, 'me too, because I am NOT going in search of a monkey toy.'

    Hope you start feeling better!!

  2. Honey,

    My boyfriend works retail. I feel your pain.

    However, I gave my mom her christmas present early, my sister and kids are getting dirty ol' money, and I'm getting the boyfriend's present on christmas eve. Hope he likes garbage bags and pine tree airfresheners.

    Just kidding...


  3. That is one of the best pictures ever! You have a wonderful Christmas, don't wear yourself out! I'll see you on the 26th.

  4. My mom and I traditionally go out the day after Thanksgiving. Another crazy day to try and get things done, but there you go :)

    I just realized I forgot to get Christmas cards for my dh's family. They get each other special cards each year and place them under the tree. My family doesn't do this, and it sneaks up on me EVERY year!

  5. Is that you in the picture, cuz you do look REALLY tired. ;)

  6. Love the picture! Dorothy, you really are hilarious! Hope you have a wonderful, peaceful Christmas.

  7. I am LAUGHING!
    First, the picture is perfect. Absolutely perfect.
    Second...Early last minute shoppers? I LOVE IT! Um...that was me, kind of. But I was nice. Really. *grins*
    Hope you feel better soon. And have a great holiday!

  8. People are really getting cranky, aren't they? They should know there's going to be lines to wait in and traffic this time of year. All of their anger isn't going to make things go any better -- or faster. ;)


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