Eating humans, trolls and last minute shopping

Whew. You guys are safe.

19%
Actually, I think the odds are quite lower than that.

I was watching a Christmas movie the other day. It was quite flaky, but a husband and wife - excuse me - wife and husband was stranded in the middle of the mountains just days before Christmas. They were like four or five days there and except for blistered lips, you'd never know they'd been out in the elements (oh, there was a blizzard going on, too) for days. They played and frolicked in the snow as they tried to find their way back home. I mean, think about it, you've been without food and water (except for snow of course of which there was a lot of) and you barely look parched? Hell with playing...let's find some way to unthaw the toes, you know?

Well anyway, it might have been a little flaky but I love Christmas movies.

Speaking of Christmas, how close are you to being ready? Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've gone out among the masses of last minute Christmas shoppers the weekend before Christmas. Trolls everywhere. That's what my daughter calls people who never get to the mall except Christmas.

They just act weird. And you can pick'em out in the crowd every time.

It was cold. No snow on the ground, but it was cold. We started by going in Boscov's so my daughter could buy her father a sweatsuit. Of course, nothing looked right. After fifteen minutes of weighing the odds, she decided on a sweatshirt and sweatpants that in her words "just had to do."

So her father tells her he wants this computer game. We look all over Walmart, Best Buy and the game store in the mall. Nothing. As it turns out, this game is years old and the only way we could get it would be over the Internet.

Keep in mind there are trolls everywhere. They're bumping into you and zapping your energy. You want out. The only way out is the exit door which means no more shopping for the night. We chose the exit door after stopping off at one the vendors to buy my daughter a calendar.

Back out in the cold, my son is complaining of backache so he sits in the truck while we run in Pier 1. As it turned out, Pier 1 had less trolls than anywhere and our energy level returned. My daughter found a candle thing and a candle for her father, then when I oohed and ahhed over it, she bought one for me, too. It was so neat...I'll have to take a picture.

Then, my daughter wants me to buy her...well, the only way I can describe it is wire art. I'm walking out the door with my purchase muttering, "I just bought a thing of wire for $35." According to my daughter (don't ask me because I thought it was ridiculous no matter if is is art or not), it's something to hang on the wall. A wired-up monstrosity that substitutes as wall art.

Anyway, we head back home, stopping at Dunkin' Donuts.

Five days until Christmas and unless the trolls follow my scent, I'll be safe at home away from the hustle and bustle of last minute holiday shopping that would wear on anyone's nerves.

How about you? Are you finished?