Can't even buy fish right now

I was just discussing my "nightmarish" dreams with my tour coordinators and thought I'd share them with you so that maybe you can find some insight into all this, but for the last week, I've been having these dreams about Christmas.

Only, it wasn't anything Norman Rockwell about them. They were horrible. You get up Christmas morning and you forgot to buy presents. That's the sort of dream you'd have as a kid, isn't it? You run downstairs and there's nothing underneath because Mom forgot. Ever have those dreams where you're walking down the middle of the school corridor in nothing but pajamas? Sort of along the same line.

I'm still recuperating from this cold thing so maybe that's behind these crazy ass dreams, but I woke up again this morning at 4 a.m. after having another one. I went to the bathroom and prodded downstairs. Prod. How do you prod? Past tense - prodded. Well anyway, so I'm prodding downstairs and it's still dark out so you turn on a light switch and grab yourself something to drink. You forgot to find those little lightbulbs for the candles in the window or you wouldn't have had to turn on a light that blinded you so, so you're squinting and pouring, hoping it's making it into the glass.

Skylar is asleep downstairs in front of her princess play tent but none of the other doggies are awake so it's me and a princess sleeping dog.

I go back upstairs and turn on the computer for a little while, thinking I'm not going back to bed and just maybe will have to get a nap sometime during the day but you know damn well that's not going to happen because I have so much to do.

I did go back to bed around 8 and slept until 9:30, but when I jumped up, I knew I had the solution all figured out. Get the damn Christmas shopping done and these damn nightmares will go away.

It's not like I haven't started and really I could end it with what I've gotten but I have so trained myself to believe it's never enough. Why do we do that to ourselves? I have cut back and perhaps I'm feeling guilty and my real self is trying to fight with my frugal self.

Frugal Self: You're foolish.

Real Self: How so?

Frugal Self: You know the kids don't care what you give them. Your son has told you he wants nothing and your daughter tells you there's nothing out there anyway, so why do you keep banging your head against a wall over this?

There must be a happy medium, but that's how it feels inside - both selfs are fighting against one another and I have a cold on top of that.

So, today, I'm going uptown. Now...you'll get a big laugh over this or I will just in writing it but where I live in a resort, you would think there would be shopping malls and all kinds of things out there to buy someone but...it's a summer resort so you know what that means. You can't even buy fish right now.

But...there are still a few shops open so maybe....