Sunday, April 30, 2006
As most of you know by now, I will be starting on a journey into my past in a few months in which I will be traveling 3,000 miles from Virginia to California, in an attempt to put old ghosts to sleep and find out why my spirit and soul is pushing me to do this. It will be a trip back in time, to a place where happiness infiltrated every part of my being; and, truthfully, the only place I can rightfully call home.
I haven’t been home for quite some time. In fact, when most people think of going back home, they think of family and friends who were and still are an important part of their lives. It is where they feel comfortable and at peace. It is the place where they discover things about themselves that they had forgotten or remember things that are important but had been buried because of time and, well, just because.
But, for me, there will be no family. No friends. Just a piece of my life that still lingers there that is calling for me to return to it.
I have felt this for years, but could do nothing. It sat harboring inside my soul and it was literally eating me up. I needed to go back home and finish something. But, what?
Didn't matter what. It was something I needed to do. By the end of my journey, I will find that out; but, meanwhile, I will be charting my progress. Boring you to tears with my thoughts and emotions as I begin a trip to my past and uncover those ghosts that have haunted me for years.
I will put the links in the right hand side bar for anyone who would like to go on this journey with me. Believe me, it's going to be something. I know it and I feel it.
It's really hard to put into words why I must do this. I mean, think about it, it's 3,000 miles away and money isn't exactly growing off of these pine trees in the back yard.
I was telling my good friend, M, the story of why I needed to go back and it must have struck a chord within her for she is responsible for making this happen. The only catch is, I have to write a book with her about this. No problem. Writing books is what I do best. Selling them might be another story, but for M's sake, let's just imagine that this is going to be a best seller.
This will be a true story. Nothing I write will be false.
This is the story of an inside yearning to do something that is so all-consuming that the only way it will let up is to just do it.
I am hoping that in writing this, I will uncover some hints as to why this has taken over my life and soul. So, this will be a healing tale, hopefully. By the end of my journey, I will find out the reason why it is so urgent for me to return.
Why this story is any different than anyone else's trip back home is that this is a story of a child who lived a fairytale life. She had everything she could ever want. Then, her life was ripped apart when her aunt whisked her and her five-year-old sister to a land that has tormented her for the last fifty years. While the grandmother she was forced to live with loved her dearly, the little girl sat on the front stoop day after day waiting for her mother to come back and get her. That day never arrived.
Her toys and games and all of her other childhood treasures were promised to return any day. That day didn't arrive either.
Not only that, she was shunned by the children of this new land because she didn't belong. She was from another place and the children of the land ruled. They were the ones who were living the fairytale life and the little girl retreated into a shell and never came out.
Years later, that little girl grew up and she never forgot what was rightfully hers, but in order to recapture her lost childhood, she knew that she needed to return to her homeland to make peace for herself. It is there that she will find out why it is that returning meant so much to her.
So begins the journey. In the next few posts, or however long it takes to explain why this is so important to me, I will begin to tell you about the little girl who had everything and then all of a sudden, it was gone.
As the trip gets closer, I will share my thoughts and feelings as they progress. And I will take you with me when I begin this trip and will share my thoughts during and after. So, buckle up, we're going on a road trip!
If you'd like to subscribe to this blog, there's a place to do that in the upper right. If not, I will put links in the right hand sidebar.
I'm excited to begin this journey so I shall start tomorrow with my humble beginnings. Hopefully, I won't bore you.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Okay, whatcha think. The header, silly. I finally did it! I have been going crazy trying to figure out how to put up a banner and no one else seemed to know, but guess what? I did it all by myself. Does this little boomer chick proud!
There's a story behind the banner. If you look in between the crazy psychedelic letters, there's a field of poppies. And this field of poppies is in the state I'm getting ready to go back to (thank you M!) in August. I think. BF and I had planned on going when he gets his vacation the last week of July, but guess what?
It's the same freaking week as Pony Penning. For those who don't know what Pony Penning is, it's the week a million and a half tourists decide to all go to a tiny island called Chincoteague to watch wild ponies swim through the inlet, and run down main street on their way to the carnival grounds where they are penned until the auction which is held the day after.
I'm not quite sure a million and a half people feel they need to travel a million and a half miles to see this event which comes once a year, but for whatever reason, they do.
Which means the restaurant I work in is going to filled with these million and a half tourists and God help us all if it rains that day. This is the reason I can't get off.
It did rain one year. I thought I was going to die. Lines were at the door and I was at that point where I didn't care if they sat down or not. This year is going to be even harder because we basically have a staff of...uh...moi.
Well, there's a lady that works day shift by herself all week and me and this other waitress work at night, but not together. Those days I'm not working, she is, and vice versa. So, if we did our math right, that leaves one waitress per shift, per day and per night. Not a good thing during Pony Penning Week.
Anyway, the picture. I told BF that the boss says no way, Jose, am I getting off that week, so we're planning for August now, that is, if he can get off. It seems the odds of making this trip a simple one just gets harder and harder...but anyway, we're going.
Actually, we're going to stay over in Vegas and drive a rental to California. Just to the sign I need to take a picture of. And then we're going back to Vegas.
I know you're wondering what sign I'm talking about...there's a story about it in the archives here but for the sake of you looking for it and me having to search for it, I'll be brief.
There's a "Welcome to California" sign that I must get my picture taken standing in front of. If that made any sense.
It's a long story and making it brief is going to be hard, but the sign represents to me something inside me that I need to figure out. Now I'm really confusing you for sure.
Cutting to the chase, I need that picture. By "needing," I mean there's something that picture will signify. Perhaps it's something I need to clear up about my past or perhaps it'll just be a sign to mean no matter the odds, I can do anything.
I have longed to go back to California all my life and I never thought I'd ever make that dream come true. After all, I'm 3,000 miles away and, well, it involves a lot of stuff before you can do something like that. Money. Time. Drive.
Thanks to my dear friend, M, she's making it possible for me to fulfill this dream. As for time, I've got all the time in the world. As for drive, I've got it, baby.
So, I guess I'm going. I mean, I AM GOING.
I can hear my mother's, aunt's and sister's voices as they joined me in a rendition of "California, here we come...right back where we started from...." as we made that trip forty-five years ago.
I'm getting goosebumps!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Sex. Sex. Sex.
So sex sells, huh?
I was over to the Evil Editor's blog today where there were more intelligent conversations going on. Man, where have I been? This guy rocks.
Yesterday's post was about agents. Here's the link but do come back, I might even promise you sex, sex and more sex. NOT.
Anyway, he was talking about how important agents were and how tough it was to get one. Sort of like a Catch-22 situation. They won't look at you unless you've been published, yet you can't be published without one.
Well, I am published. Small press. Which is what his blog post today was about.
My opinion on the matter is that traditional still rocks. I don't care which way you look at it, that's the bomb in my book.
It's my dream. My conquest. I know I've made it when I get that publishing contract.
Hell, I'd at least like to get an agent anyway.
I know people who have agents and some are happy with them and some are not. There's something about being represented by one that really makes you want to hang on to them no matter what. Even if it takes years to get your book published.
But, that's just the way it is.
We can be happy about it or not.
I'd just like to have an agent, no matter what the future has in store.
I had an agent once. Terrible, terrible experience. She wanted to cut my book up, make it into two books, because as she put it "NY won't buy a book that long (110,000 words) from a newbie." Crash. Boom.
I started cutting, but when she said to cut out the new age soul mate stories and leave in the ordinary girl/boy soul mate stories, I cut ties with her.
Was that a mistake?
I didn't think so at the time and still to this day if I put her in search, nothing comes up, but I do know at least one person published with her and she's done very well for herself.
This particular author's book is SHORT. Not even 100 pages. Relationship book. Penguin is the publisher.
So, if I had listened to her and did what she told me, would I be published with Penguin? Who knows.
I went with my gut instincts instead. This is what I teach my clients who ask me about soul mate relationships. Trust your instincts; they're never wrong.
But, what if my instincts were sort of out of whack that day? Maybe I had a cold or something and their transmissions were off balance? What if there had been too many stresses that day and the intuition had had it for one day and went on a cruise to the Bahamas because they couldn't handle it anymore?
Who knows. What's done is done.
I do have a wonderful small press publisher, that much I can say, and no, I didn't need an agent, and yes I am a published author.
So, if I am a published author, where are all the freaking contracts I'm supposed to get? My sales are pretty good so doesn't that count for anything?
Okay, keep trying...I know. I've heard it from everywhere. Keep trying.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Actually, there's quite a few people who have their minds "in the gutter" because this morning, I checked out the top five relationship books in the non-fiction section of Family/Relationships at Fictionwise and this is what I got:
1. The Low Down on Going Down (number one mind you)
2. Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnership
3. Hot Sex: How to Do It
4. The Multi-Orgasmic Man
5. The Joy of Gay Sex
Seriously, these are the people making money in ebooks. No, don't even think it, I've got
enough on my plate, but it was interesting to see this and it makes sense. You don't
want to be caught with a book under your arm if you are married to someone of the opposite sex and the title of the book is "The Joy of Gay Sex," now would you?
How about Grandma Jones who teaches Bible School and reads her Bible at night?
What would her grandchildren and Sunday School class think if they knew Grandma replaced
that Bible with "Hot Sex: How to Do It?" when she closed her doors at night?"
So, ebooks have their place in our society. Quick, usually less expensive and a library
at your fingertips.
It's just a surprise to find these books the top five, that's all...in the same section I'd put
my books. How would I climb to number one with those kind of books at your fingertips?
Man, as if there isn't enough competition as it is...
So I write...
"On a cold and gloomy night...I had hot sex and I'll show you how to do it..."
Nah...just don't have it in me.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
You see, years ago, when I was seven, my aunt took a picture of my mother, sister and I in front of a sign at the California border. It read "Welcome to California." Well, for some unknown reason, I've had an inner calling to go back to that sign. I know this sounds crazy so maybe I can explain more clearly.
When I was seven, my whole world was a happy place. My mother had just married what was to be my step-father and we moved from the Eastern Shore of Virginia to Burbank, California. Actually, Fort Ord was where we were heading and Burbank came later.
It was the first time in my life that I had a perfect life with a mother and a father at the same time. My real father left me when I was a baby so not only was I going to California, but getting a daddy, also. I was elated.
We drove by car and it took us seven days to get there. I remember the car breaking down constantly, but we made it, and when we reached the border, we all got out to celebrate by having our picture taken in front of it. I was a monumental occasion and one I never thought I'd need to relive fifty years later.
When I was ten, the family broke up and I was forced to live with my grandmother back on the Eastern Shore. While I loved my grandmother with all my heart, it was hard not to be affected by the move. After all, my whole world had fallen apart.
I never thought much about going back; although, I would have given my right arm to do so, but it never took over my every thought, every desire, every part of my soul to want to return to the last place both my mother and I were the happiest.
Until the last few months when plans to return to that same spot were destroyed. BF forgot to get in touch with the people who were sending near there as a promotional thingee and they replaced us with someone else. Long story too depressing to talk about.
I'm not one to act like a baby over it, but I was clearly depressed that I wasn't going. I mean, don't offer me a candy bar and take it back.
Well, for the past three days, I've been sick. And when I've been sick, I get weepy and things that normally don't bother me, hit me like a ton of bricks. I hate the house. I hate the area. I want to move. I want a contract with a NY publisher. Little things. But, these little things were getting on my everloving nerves and was only making me sicker.
Tonight, I had a talk with a friend I know in Scotland. I call her M. M beeped in on IM wondering how I was. I told her fine, but not feeling well, and before I knew it, I was blurting out the whole California story.
M and I go way back. She's one of the contributors in Romancing the Soul and I've known her for a long time. She'd send me postcards from Scotland and we'd stay in touch over the Internet. I have never met this woman in person but I feel a strong kinship with her that is hard to explain. We even started writing a book together a few years ago, but as life would have it, she and I went off in different directions, fully intending on finishing the book.
But, I've never forgotten M. We've been there for each other several times and no matter what, we never argued or anything, but it wasn't until tonight did I realize how strong our friendship really was.
Tonight, I was telling her what was going on in my life and she was helping me through it, when I blurted out the California story. I fully believed that the reason I needed to go that bad was because that sign represented my mother who had died thirty years ago. "It's not about your mother," M said, "you need to go for another reason."
I wasn't sure what she meant by that but as she had been on the ball in diagnosing what was wrong with me and helping me through it, I thought maybe she was right.
Think about this. To get to the California sign, it took a tremendous amount of time and energy to do so and once we got there, we celebrated by taking the picture. It was like the end of the road had come and all was right. We had made it. No matter what had happened - the car breaking down, me puking on top of the table after my step-father forced me to drink milk, driving all that way in the heat and with four other people, and wham...we made it.
M seems to think I need to go back. I need to take that same road again, but why?
And this is where the miracle comes in.
Someone with whom I've never met is sending me back. Yes, you read that right. Someone with whom I've never met in person, that is, is sending me all the way from Virginia back to that California sign.
I'm not used to this.
I tried to argue with her, but she insisted. She said I need this to be happy and to be able to write books.
So, the deal is, we have to write a book about it. Together.
I'd say that's a fair exchange. ;o)
M, I know you aren't reading this, but you're in my thoughts tonight...this is what miracles are all about. People helping people. People just opening up their heart to make sure someone else achieves their dreams.
Wouldn't it be a nicer world if everyone was like that?
So, tonight I told my daughter, whose mouth dropped right off her face and BF, who is still scratching his head in wonder, that I am going back to California.
I am going back home.
Life is great.
On the homefront, this place is the pits. I mean, it gives new meaning to living on skid row or redneck row or piece of shit row.
I hate it.
Don't you hate it even more when the more you clean, it still doesn't look any better?
I was outside yesterday trying to give a professional assessment (sp?) of my backyard. New Orleans has nothing on this place. It is freaking trashed.
The swing is laying on its side (northeaster blew it over and everyone around here is too lazy to set it up right), the fences are all down (again, northeaster) and the pool looks like something Linda Blair would have spit out of her mouth in the Exorcist. I'd like to excorcise this place, I'll tell you that.
I took a deep breath (which is an awful thing to do in front of a chicken rendering plant and a busy highway) and began.
I started bailing water out of the pool. When that got tedious, I started on my vegetable garden that BF SPRAYED WITH WEED KILLER. I'll never forgive him for that.
Actually, once I got all the old grass up and started chopping the earth up, it looked pretty good but I'm still not sure how long I'll have to wait to put new plants in just in case the insecticide is still lingering around.
I've started flower and vegetable seeds in flats and they're just starting to come up so I'll probably have more time before they have to be transplanted.
And...that's about all I did.
I just couldn't bear to look at my backyard any longer. Too much work. New fence to be bought and a pool has to be completely emptied, cleaned and filled up again.
Nope, too much work for me.
I went back inside and thought I'd start right in, but then, I thought, no one lifts their finger around here besides me, so what's the use.
So I got back on the computer.
But it did make me really come to terms with wanting to move. I know each place is going to have the same troubles with me the only one around here that does anything about this mess, but I'd sure like to start over with a clean slate. A new backyard that doesn't have chicken fumes floating past your nose or exhaust from the cars just yards from the front of my house.
Yeah, I need a change. A BIG change.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
The most amazing thing during the blog tour was when I "saw" someone's twin soul. I asked a lady named Deb if a blonde-haired boy that had some significance in her life meant anything to her. And, although she was married, she said yes, that he was her boyfriend since preschool and they have kept in touch through everything. She said she emailed what I had told her and she said that he was amazed and said he knew they had a connection and that when they pass on, it is her that he will look for in the next life. She also said that it was very interesting that her hubby said he knew that this man and she had a strong bond and was great about that.
What an understanding husband and, as a matter of fact, this is where ALL people should be. UNDERSTAND why certain people are in others' lives. Forget the jealousy and accept it because it's out of anyone's control. What's really neat about this is, once you come to understand this, all JEALOUSY in the world would be wiped out.
Wouldn't that be a wonderful world where trust ruled? Just because you are in a relationship and your significant other has a relationship with another (on a platonic basis, that is), let it be. It is for his self-growth and wouldn't you like to be with someone who was totally on his path toward higher self? It can only benefit you in the long run.
That's the problem with people. They are too possessive over their mates and this is not healthy. For a relationship to work, both partners must be able to have their own lives.
If my partner wants to go to the slots, for instance (which he does by himself and I have no problem with it), do I rant and rave that he's spending time away from me or do I go on and on about how much money he's spending?
NO...bcause this is HIS life. He is meant to do this and if I interfere, it will throw his karmic balance off and what will happen is, there will be friction within the relationship and he might not learn a thing or two along the way that he is supposed to learn.
And I have my own life, too. If I want to stay on the computer 24/7, does he say anthing?
NO...because he knows this is what I am meant to do with my life.
Let your mates learn. Give polite suggestions, but let them have their own lives, too.
If more couples would understand this, their relationships would last a lot longer than they are. But, if there's too much negativity within the relationship and nothing can be solved, it's time to move on.
Trust your intuition.
But, above all, learn to trust. Let your mates live their lives and do what makes them happy.
Monday, April 17, 2006
“The Soul Mate Triangle – Unlocking the Mysteries of the Soul Mate Relationship” is a one-on-one personalized relationship e-class that is guaranteed to find your soul mate(s) by the end of the class or your money back. This is an ongoing relationship e-class – sign up whenever it’s convenient for YOU – that is delivered to your e-mail box. This is to provide for you total anonymity and so that Dorothy can evaluate your situation and help you in areas that need attention without anyone else knowing who you are or interfering with the process.
Hurry over to Lisa’s blog today because the virtual blog tour ends on Wednesday!
If you would like to learn more about this e-class, you can visit www.soulmatequeen.homestead.com/eclass101.html. If you have any questions, you can email Dorothy at thewriterslife(at)yahoo.com.
May all your soul mate dreams come true!
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
I had heard someone say that it was good and being as I had run out of ideas of what kind of movies to buy for the restaurant, I gritted my teeth and plunked down the $20.
And I don’t regret a minute of it.
I remember it coming out in the movies and not paying a bit of attention to it. I figured it was just a movie for the kids and I was looking for a sappy, love story. But, you see, it IS a love story…the love story between twin souls who could never be together because of “blocks” (she’s a human and he’s an ape) and, yes, I was rooting for them to be together. But, of course, I knew it wasn’t going to happen, and just maybe I was hoping for just a little sign that maybe they had changed the original plotline and maybe the woman and the ape could live happily ever after. He wanted it; she wanted it, but it just wasn’t meant to be.
But, isn’t that true of twin souls?
Sometimes the twin soul will hit you like a ton of bricks. Not literally, of course, but when they come into your life, it’s in the weirdest of circumstances or in an incidence that make you sit up and go “What was that?”
I remember meeting my twin soul and I really never expected for it to happen. In fact, back then, I didn’t even know what a twin soul was. Oh, I knew about soul mates, not that I thought I had any with my lackluster trait of never finding the right “one,” but twin souls? What in the heck was that?
I began my journey exploring soul mates in general after my twin soul died and he literally came to me in a dream and told me to start a crusade explaining what the soul mate experience was all about. Corny, I know, but that’s just the way it happened. As I pursued the soul mate theory deeper, I found that Edgar Cayce and I share almost the same identical views on soul mates, which was oh-so-cool, so I thought just maybe I might be on the right track with this.
It’s like I have been given a gift. I have heard of others who have “special gifts” and I never knew what mine was. I did find out later that I was spatial clairsentient – if I’m even spelling it right – which basically means I can see afar. Images. Which is really cool. I had a psychic friend who taught classes on this stuff and he told me that’s what I had anyway.
But, it helps me in my practice in helping people with their soul mate problems so between the gift of spatial clairsentience and the gift of …uh…not sure of what it could be called…soul mate expertise(?), I have helped hundreds of people understand what soul mates are really all about. I get letters from people that tell me I’m on the ball with this stuff so I guess I’m on the right track then.
But, aren’t we all doubtful of our capabilities? That one letter that comes through the mail saying how much you’ve helped them really is the incentive to keep on with it, explore more, think more, help more, and never, ever give it up. So, please, keep’em coming!
Back to the Kong movie, I hadn’t had a movie exemplify the twin soul experience better. Did you see the spiritual connection through Kong’s eyes when he was holding the woman in his hand? Next time you look into someone’s eyes, see if you see the twin soul connection…if it is indeed the twin soul you are looking at, it will be there.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
I thank them for this honor, but I have to ask. Why?
LOL, don't mean to be facetious, but it's the one thing I haven't worked on in ages and, in fact, was thinking about letting go! Let this be a lesson to all of us. Stop working so hard on something and you'll hit pay dirt.
Seriously, I AM really honored. The website made it into Writer's Digest Magazine a few years back, and it was the same similar situation...I hadn't updated it in months. It's like the guys who are in charge really want to shock you enough so that you'll give it the attention it deserves. Knock yourself out on something and no one will give you the time of day, but someone comes a'calling when you haven't cleaned house and whammo bammo, it gets national attention.
Go figure. But, it is nice. Thank you, Writer's Digest...now not only do I have a real house to clean, but on top of a million other things I have to do online, I've got to go over there and redecorate. Clean out the spiderwebs hanging in the corners and make it look nice.
Of course, I know once I do that, I'll jinx the place. Better to leave the cobwebs alone...the place seems to be doing fine just as it is. ;o)
Monday, April 03, 2006
As they were both recollecting their childhood years, the young woman's face took on a happy expression, while the young man's face was rigid as if he missed out on something.
I know these two people very well. Where I've always viewed the young man as older than he really was, he was often sullen and would "go off" if things weren't right. The young woman was a carefree sort of person and laughed frequently and often. Both come from the same geographical location and, in fact, grew up together.
I wonder where the rest of their lives will lead? Will the young man who grew up too fast ever be happy and carefree and will the young woman who refused to grow up ever be management material?
I know there are some instances when child abuse comes into play which makes the person wiser beyond their years (putting it lightly), but this wasn't the case with the young man. He grew up in a normal family and had no issues that I knew of.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that our childhood plays a significant role in how we turn out as adults. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything new, but have you thought about whether you grew up too fast or whether you never grew up?
When I was living in California as a child, I was allowed to go where I wanted, do what I wanted, and didn't have many restrictions. Carefree as a lark. But, then, it seemed that I grew up way too fast and by the time I was ten, and moved from the bustling city of Burbank to a rural area on the coast of Virginia, it seemed I didn't want my childhood to end. Instead of putting on make-up and hunting down that cute boy in english class, I couldn't wait to get home so that I could run back outside and play with the neighborhood children. I was still playing with Barbies into my teens and building forts in the woods and concocting weird spy games with the kids on the block. It was like I was making up for lost time and wanted to still be a child. It was way more fun for me than trying to be an adult before my time.
Of course, you never told your peers what you did after school. They'd laugh and taunt you of course. So, it was your own little secret. I just never wanted to grow up.
Years down the road, I'm still that child that never wanted to grow up. I still can't resist that urge to jump in an empty swing and feel that rush as I swung as high as I can go. I still can't resist the smell of a brand new doll baby just out of its box. And I still can't resist acting silly when I should act "my own age."
Sure, it has its repercussions. No one takes you seriously and think you're "out there," but is this such a bad thing? Do we really want to grow up?
How about you? Did you grow up too fast or did you languish in the beautiful world of childhood far longer than your peers?