Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Further Adventures of Max, The Bed-Pissing Dog

You know, sometimes while I'm sitting here creating the most wonderful masterpieces (yeah, right), the most craziest thoughts just hit me in the head. This time, the thoughts were on Max, my bed-pissing dog.

Now, Max is really a beautiful dog really. He has papers and is registered with the AKC. We paid a lot of money for Max and you would think that with this beautiful specimen of a dog, a dog so beautiful he could have won awards for being so beautiful, that he'd had one lick of sense in his big brown head. He doesn't.

Max is the most stupidous dog I have ever seen in my entire life. Okay, I know there's no such word as stupidous but I think I have given you an idea of my opinion on him.

On another note, I love clean sheets. Nothing makes me sleep better than a nice set of clean sheets. Especially sheets that have been painstakenly washed, hung out to dry in the fresh air, taken in when they've dried and put in the dryer for just a couple minutes to make sure any of nature's little buggy-wuggies haven't hopped aboard, and spread out on my king-size bed which makes me gasp for breath every time I do it. It's a process. I go to these lengths so that I can crawl into bed and go, "Ahhhh."

Nothing....absolutely nothing...pisses me off more than to crawl into my freshly-made bed with the fresh-air-dried sheets and to feel a wet spot underneath me, saturating my shirt, only a few hours after Max had marked his territory before!

I mean, what the hell?????

Max just happens to be a bed-pissing dog and he's good at it.

I don't give him credit, but maybe I ought to look at it from his point of view.

He goes to the trouble of marking his territory and what do I do but get rid of the evidence? You know he must be shaking his head when he sees me heading to the washer with an armful of bed sheets only to think "What a dumb human. Now I'm going to have to go back and do it again."

We've tried everything. The fact we have two female dogs in the house, non-neutered, probably is the reason or he's just the most stupidous dog I've ever had. Probably both.

But, in reality, I believe that the ones that are three nuggets short of a Happy Meal are us adults. Any NORMAL person would have thrown the dog out or cut his balls off. But, nooooo....we put up with him because he's our dog-child. Is this a case of bad parenthood? Should we rub his nose in it like we did our children? LOL, don't worry, I didn't, but noooooo....we just get up and change the sheets. Oh, we'll say, "Bad Max!" but for all we know, he might think we're saying, "Good job, Max! I can't wait to see you do it again when I least expect it!"

So, I figure there's a little communication gap here.

We can't throw him out because he's a house dog and we can't cut off his balls because Cassie, his female counterpart, would disown us for depriving her of the children she never had.

Between a rock and a hard place.

I have no idea why I'm even talking about this, but as I'm writing, a little furry body just disappeared in the bedroom....OMG...MAX!!!!!

7 comments:

  1. Oh, I know the feeling. I had a "bed pissing dog".

    Later, I found that this is normal behavior for a territorial male. He is not only marking his turf, he is showing you who is boss (him). You need to re-take the position of being boss in your house. Actually, this will make your dog happier. Dogs don't want to be boss, they like it when we (bigger and smarter) are in charge.

    Strict obedience training and a crate taught my dog to stop this nonsense.

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  2. One can of NO!

    One catching in the act with a spray bottle of water.

    Worked on my tinkle winkle. :P

    Miss him tons.

    Keep smiling about it - sounds like you have a great dog family!

    Hugs,

    Lady M

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  3. You have so much more patience than I would have under the same circumstances. My dogs are outdoors dogs so I don't have that problem, but my first thought is to just keep the bedroom door closed. Is this an option?

    Good luck!

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  4. I've heard of children and cats doing this, but not dogs before now! Can't say I'd be too thrilled, but I'm a mean mom and don't let my dog into the bedroom ;o)

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  5. That really is a stupid dog. Good thing he's pretty.

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  6. I think I would be locking him out of the bedroom; but then I know how that scratching can get to you. Have you thought of those electric like fence indoor numbers. We have it outside and i'm thinking of calling to find out how you make it work inside ( for the khaki couch and chair that the black lab loves and to get him off the bed not bec. he pees(thank god) but because he take up the whole damn bed.

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  7. I go to these lengths so that I can crawl into bed and go, "Ahhhh."


    Yet again! Snap! I love outdoor fresh bed sheets. I even like seeing them flap on the line in the wind - how sad is that? I think in a former life I was deprived of clean clothes because I'm obsessed with washing and I'm one of those people that open the fabric softners and washing liquids in the supermarket and smell them before I buy them.

    Drives my hubby mad!

    On the bed-pissing note, I used to have a dog that pooped (for want of a better word) in the bath.

    HORRIBLE!

    I've mentioned you in my 'today's daily ramble'! More people need to read your blog. You're too funny!

    :o)

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