The Further Adventures of Max, The Bed-Pissing Dog

You know, sometimes while I'm sitting here creating the most wonderful masterpieces (yeah, right), the most craziest thoughts just hit me in the head. This time, the thoughts were on Max, my bed-pissing dog.

Now, Max is really a beautiful dog really. He has papers and is registered with the AKC. We paid a lot of money for Max and you would think that with this beautiful specimen of a dog, a dog so beautiful he could have won awards for being so beautiful, that he'd had one lick of sense in his big brown head. He doesn't.

Max is the most stupidous dog I have ever seen in my entire life. Okay, I know there's no such word as stupidous but I think I have given you an idea of my opinion on him.

On another note, I love clean sheets. Nothing makes me sleep better than a nice set of clean sheets. Especially sheets that have been painstakenly washed, hung out to dry in the fresh air, taken in when they've dried and put in the dryer for just a couple minutes to make sure any of nature's little buggy-wuggies haven't hopped aboard, and spread out on my king-size bed which makes me gasp for breath every time I do it. It's a process. I go to these lengths so that I can crawl into bed and go, "Ahhhh."

Nothing....absolutely nothing...pisses me off more than to crawl into my freshly-made bed with the fresh-air-dried sheets and to feel a wet spot underneath me, saturating my shirt, only a few hours after Max had marked his territory before!

I mean, what the hell?????

Max just happens to be a bed-pissing dog and he's good at it.

I don't give him credit, but maybe I ought to look at it from his point of view.

He goes to the trouble of marking his territory and what do I do but get rid of the evidence? You know he must be shaking his head when he sees me heading to the washer with an armful of bed sheets only to think "What a dumb human. Now I'm going to have to go back and do it again."

We've tried everything. The fact we have two female dogs in the house, non-neutered, probably is the reason or he's just the most stupidous dog I've ever had. Probably both.

But, in reality, I believe that the ones that are three nuggets short of a Happy Meal are us adults. Any NORMAL person would have thrown the dog out or cut his balls off. But, nooooo....we put up with him because he's our dog-child. Is this a case of bad parenthood? Should we rub his nose in it like we did our children? LOL, don't worry, I didn't, but noooooo....we just get up and change the sheets. Oh, we'll say, "Bad Max!" but for all we know, he might think we're saying, "Good job, Max! I can't wait to see you do it again when I least expect it!"

So, I figure there's a little communication gap here.

We can't throw him out because he's a house dog and we can't cut off his balls because Cassie, his female counterpart, would disown us for depriving her of the children she never had.

Between a rock and a hard place.

I have no idea why I'm even talking about this, but as I'm writing, a little furry body just disappeared in the bedroom....OMG...MAX!!!!!