You know, in the years growing up, I never knew much about faith. I'd hear people saying, "Faith will get you through anything," and other similar quotes of that nature, but I never fully understood it. I associated it with church and church just wasn't doing it for me. Not that I didn't believe. Oh, far from it. There's someone or something out there that is way stronger, wiser and more powerful than we are, believe me.
But my little Baptist church which was the only thing I had to go by as far as learning about faith had its disappointments.
But, in all the fifty-three years I've been on this earth, yesterday was the first day I finally understood what faith is all about.
It's about believing.
But it's a personal kind of believing. What works for you might seem silly to me; thus, I can't have faith that what you believe in will work with me. If it ain't there, it ain't there. And my kind of believing might not be comprehensible to you, but that's okay, too.
I believe that we are all different organisms on this earth and each of our ideals are going to be different because what works for you works for you because it coincides with your personal spiritual makeup. This is why some people frown on others' ideals especially if they are being pushy about it. Again, if it ain't there, no one is going to convince you it's there unless you feel it there yourself.
I rambled on because I wanted to give you some backup information on what my beliefs are on the subject of faith so that you can understand what a miraculous thing happened yesterday that only confirmed the fact that, yes, Virginia, there is a thing called faith and it works.
Whenever you are at your lowest, what's the first thing you do?
Well, the first thing I do is try to connect with my spirit guides or loved ones who died long ago for help. Might seem a silly thing to do, but this method has been proven to work three times in my life. It might have worked more for me had I used it more, but I didn't want to take advantage of it.
The first time I used this, I was working at a restaurant where the boss was sexually harassing everything in a skirt. I did get smacked on the derriere in the walk-in, but the main brunt of harassment against me was in telling me (and my other co-worker) that we were too old for the job. He had hired a couple of young things to take over my co-worker's and my job and I knew something had to be done and fast.
I was outside on a smoke break. I couldn't take it anymore. I looked to the heavens and I said, "Please get me away from here. Somewhere. New York even!"
Now, New York happens to be five hours away and I pulled the state out of my head, not thinking, but not caring either. I'd go anywhere at that point. I was at my lowest and crying to someone, anyone, for help.
Two days later, my daughter walks up to me and says she has tickets to go to New York on a tour bus and would I like to go. I went.
I look back on that and for some odd reason, I kept it in my memory bank because it was so soul-strengthening for me. I knew something had happened. But what?
The second time this happened, I was walking the dogs behind the chicken houses out back. It's been so long ago that I did this, it's hard to remember exactly why I was really freaking out, but I needed to get away. I remembered the trip to New York, so I said out loud, "Please get me to California." Again, I don't know why I said this but I believe it was then that I realized I needed to go back to make a few closures.
Maybe less than a year later, one of my online friends offered to fund the trip so I could go back. I will be going the second week of September of this year.
Basically, what all this means is that when I was at my lowest, I seeked help from someone or something that was more powerful than I. But, what I never understood before and what makes this work is that you have to state your wants out loud. Your spirit guides, your loved ones, whatever, are not mind readers. It's bad enough they don't talk the same language, so reading minds is asking for a bit much.
I have told this story to a lot of people who had come to their end of the road, but whether they took advantage of it, I have no idea. But, that's where faith comes in. I truly believe and it works for me.
Two days ago, my daughter took her state boards to become a registered licensed practical nurse. She had passed nursing school July before last and worked for a little while at a nursing home until it was time to take her boards. When she did take her boards, she flunked. If you only knew how much my daughter really needed this. Nursing is her life and to not pass her boards was like the worse thing that could happen to her.
She was waiting tables all during nursing school and was planning on quitting as soon as she passed her boards, so you can imagine what heartbreak it was for her. Trust me, I live with her...she was a total miserable wreck.
A few months later, she took them again. The thing is, these things are hard. Real hard. And it doesn't help if you have computer anxiety attacks which she does. I can spend all of my waking hours on here, but if she sits here for a few minutes, she starts getting a headache.
Well, the nursing board test was all done by computer and she flunked it the second time.
Yeah, devastated again but she didn't care that it would cost another $400 to take it again, she was going to do it. But, when she was ready.
That ready didn't come for months and months later because of all the hurt she went through after flunking it twice before. She knew that it was the most important thing in her life to pass this thing and become a nurse, and she felt it was so close, and couldn't understand why it just was not happening for her.
I knew it was in her life's plan to be a nurse. When she worked at the nursing home for a short while, I could see the dedication. She had befriended one of the patients who was known for not communicating and hating everyone for putting her in that godforsaken place, but she found a way to get this woman to open up. The dedication was certainly there and I knew it in my heart that this girl needed to be a nurse.
Two days ago, she took the test again. This was her third try and they gave her computer #3. After she took the test and was doing the waiting game and crying because she thought she had flunked it again, I told her to look at that number. It's also the number of my son's birthday (June 3) and my twin soul's who died and had become very close to my daughter beforehand (May 3). Threes, number threes...they were all over the place. I told her it was a sign.
That still didn't help. She called out from work; she was that upset.
I knew I had to do something and decided to put this faith thing to the test again. I was hanging clothes out on the line and I walked over to the swing, sat down, and called on the beyond.
I told whoever would listen (out loud) that this is in her life's plan and that she needed a break. She had been through so much in her short life what with her father leaving and her mother trying to keep a roof over her head, but more than that, could they pull some strings and make this woman a nurse, something that the world really needed.
It was energy draining, but I sat there and talked for about a half hour about how she would make the best darn nurse you ever saw and could they please help. But, again, the spirit guides or those from the beyond are not mind readers, so I made my wants precise - when she calls tomorrow, have a positive answer on the other end. Had I just let it be with "Please help her to become a nurse," that's not exact enough. She could become a nurse next year, in another lifetime, so you have to make it pretty understandable.
Yesterday, I get a call at work and I picked up the phone. My daughter was crying.
Now, you can believe in your own faith and I will honor that with extreme reverance, but my own faith is something that is so unbelievable, it's so hard to put into words.
All I know is that faith has to be the most powerful thing in the world.