How NOT to Get a Date

What people will do to get a date. I have to admit, I've not had to resort to that to find a date back when I needed that sort of thing, but I do admit I've had dates who made Jack the Ripper seem like a cub scout on best behavior.

I've told this story before but back in the day when the ex left and I found myself back out in the dating trenches again, I did resort to a certain blind date that taught me a thing or two about human behavior.

I was working at a department story (my first husband-less job) and one of my young co-workers decided that her dad and I should hook up. I was ready. I would take anyone at that point. I was down in the dumps as far as self-esteem went and the fact that she told me he had one leg didn't deter me one bit. I figured hey, it's just a date and it would be over in a couple of hours and I needed practice. With one leg, how harmless could he be?

He knocks on the door and it wasn't the fact that he had one leg - I was prepared for that - but it was something about him that really didn't sit right with me. I got in my side of the car, he got in his and we headed for a seafood restaurant about five miles away.

So far, it's going okay but it was the endless chatter about gallstones - or kidney stones - that I think did it for me. He said he had been to the doctor and he almost didn't make it for our date because the doctor told him they could erupt at any time.

So I ask him what do I do if that happens?

He says, "Oh, you don't have to do anything. I go to the bathroom and let them out."

So we get to the restaurant and I remembered my horoscope the day before that said, "You are going out to a restaurant. Do not sit by a window."

Well, hell, who listens to horoscopes so we let the waitress sit us by a window. Besides, I like living dangerously.

The whole time we are sitting there, he's talking about his wife. I don't really mind because I sure as hell weren't interested in him and hey it was a free dinner.

About the time our entree was ready, I look up only to see 3 plates of food fall off a server's tray. And into my lap.

I guess that was the part about not sitting by the window.

After I cleaned myself up and listened to more about his wife, it was time to leave. I didn't even kiss him goodnight. He didn't notice. I heard later that he and his wife got back together so I was very happy for him.

But it goes to show you how far people will go to find someone to love them. He was reacting out of rebound and I was looking for a free dinner, both reasons not to step out into the dating world without a full set of armor.