Monday, November 24, 2008

And this is Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is such a lovely time of year. Not quite as hectic as Christmas, it's a time for feasting on Thanksgiving turkey and visiting with friends and relatives on a calmer basis - not like Christmas with all it's rush rush rush rush.

However, my family is not do I want to put this...the norm.

I'm not going to call us dysfunctional because despite all our handicaps, we're quite functional and have no idea what we are doing is a little bit odd. I'm sure there's a name out there in some of those medical textbooks for us, but for now, let me give you the story of how my Thanksgiving in my new digs is shaping up this year.

We moved to the island last March. The most beautiful place we've ever lived. Sunsets over our dock every night, all the clams and oysters you'd ever want to eat just beyond our front door, cool breezes off the was paradise.

At first, it was BF, my daughter and I until BF and my daughter got in a little name calling in-your-face confrontation, and it's now my daughter and I, and our three pooches. Oh, don't feel sorry for me. She'd been wanting to get rid of him for some time, only it took a damn showdown where the cops were finally called for it to happen. Turns out BF called the cops because my daughter dared him to and the cop that came out was actually friends with my daughter, even had the hots for her, so that worked out pretty well. And they said it could only happen in the movies. Pffft.

Now, BF still comes over but there are strict rules. He cannot be here when I'm not here, a rule we broke and I caught hell for so that will not happen again. Daughters, don't underestimate their ruling power.

Anyway, so basically, it's just my daughter and I living in our little island paradise and I wanted our first Thanksgiving here to be special. The tree is up, the turkey is bought and except for a few supplies, it's going to be a great Thanksgiving.

But....maybe not.

I learned yesterday that we're we're going to have house guests which I'm guessing looking to the future, this is going to make a good American Lampoon holiday movie.

BF is coming. BF's daughter (demon daughter) is coming. My son is coming. My ex is coming. A girl who used to live with us years ago is coming.

But...listen to this...

My daughter doesn't get along with BF, his daughter or the girl who is coming. My son hates the girl who is coming, hates BF and hates BF's daughter even more. The ex hates BF, too, probably would hate his daughter and doesn't know the girl who is coming who used to live with us before and he's probably better off. Any more hate on our first Thanksgiving and I'd have to get an exorcist.

So, I'm throwing this all at my daughter as she was taking me home from work last night and that's when she started throwing the "I want my own place" speech. I don't know why she wastes her time with that because she's not going anywhere.

Since I hate people hating each other and I hate being in the same room with people hating each other, I have it all figured out. We will be having our special Thanksgiving holiday dinner in shifts.

The ex, the son, the daughter will eat at noon before she goes to work. They will leave when she goes to work. The next shift, BF, demon daughter and the girl who used to live with us. The girl who used to live with us will go back to her father's house before daughter gets home, BF's daughter should be snoozing on the sofa bed and BF will be up in the bedroom watching football.

But you know, it's not fair. Why can't people just let bygones be bygones?

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving. Are you planning on cooking, visiting, refereeing?


  1. You're so right, this couldn't have sounded anymore like a Hollywood movie gone bad. It would make even Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation sound boring. Try and have a good holiday anyway.

  2. National Lampoon's Thanksgiving Vacation...wonder if there'd be money in it for me?

  3. Eeewww. No Thanksgiving, no family, no in laws... Nothing to worry about here.

  4. Jaime, that's the PERFECT Thanksgiving!

  5. I am laughing out loud! Girl you'd better install metal detectors before your guests get there. Have you considered the "what ifs"? What if the girl who used to live can't leave or your daughter doesn't have to work, or son's car breaks down and needs the ex to help repair just as BF and daughter are coming up the drive?

    I'll be sure to stop by Friday morning to see if anyone had to pay bail:-)


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