Friday, February 3, 2006

Finding My Father - Part IV - In My Daddy's Eyes

These are the first pictures that Missy has sent me of my father. Wow.

My breath is on hold. I'll resume normal breathing patterns soon, I hope, but for now, I'm revelling in this beautiful father/daughter experience.


He's perfect. If ever I envisioned what my Daddy would look like, this would be it. Amazing. Simply amazing.

I can see where I have his eyes. Blue like mine. My daughter said that we have the same facial structure, too.

Same widow's peak that bugs the crap out of me and, yeah, "Aunt" Carmen was right - I have his mouth.

He’s a pretty good-looking fellow actually. My mom had good taste. So, what was it that made her leave him or he leave her?

That's one of the secrets that I will find out.

For 73 years old, he's looking remarkable. Not sure when these pictures were taken, but he's really a handsome person.

I am trying not to stare at his picture, but I just can't help myself. I have never seen him nor had any pictures to remember him by. And why does he remind me of Mark Twain, lol?

Silly me.

But, I'm trying not to stare too long at his picture because I don't want to get any romanticized misconceptions, then get blown out of the water. As in, maybe he doesn't want to relive his past and maybe he doesn't want to see me.

It happens. You just don't know people. Some skeletons in the closet are meant to stay right there.

I'm more concerned with his wife, Charlotte, not wanting to see me than I am him. You have to put yourself in her shoes. Here comes a daughter maybe she didn't even know he had, from some other woman who was an ex-wife, albeit it was over fifty years ago, and she doesn't know me from Adam. What are her thoughts and feelings going to be when it is time for us to meet? Will she accept me or will she tell me to never call again like my "grandmother" did when I called more than twenty years ago? Did he ever get my message anyway? Doubt it.

Like I said, you just don't know people.

And this is tricky. Lots of emotions involved. And it has to be perfect timing. Like a stage play. All the scenery must be perfect and the characters well rehearsed.

Speaking of rehearsed, I wonder what I'll even say. I don't want a rehearsed speech. I am going to wing it. Whatever comes out of my mouth, I'm sure will be what is meant to come out. It's nerve-wracking enough to think of what I'm going to say at that moment.

Anyway, this is Daddy. Wow.


  1. Very moving story. He's a handsome man too! ~ jb///

  2. You can see the resemblance. The uncertainty is bittersweet, isn't it? Exciting and scary at the same time.

  3. What a journey you are on! He certainly is good looking for 73 yrs old. I hope the future holds everything your hoping for and more.

  4. Wow! He's looks so debonair! If only the rest of us could look that good at 73! Love that silvery white hair, so pretty.

  5. I am so happy for you. You are in my prayers, hoping that this new relationship will be everything you dream and need it to be. If not, then at least now you "know", and I know from personal experiencing that just knowing is something, wouldn't you agree? I wouldn't say knowing is closure, because I don't know that there is ever "closure" when family is involved, but at least you will have the image of your father, and you can know the kind of man he is. Just knowing, from what you said in your story, that his family fought for you says a lot. You were loved, and most likely still are, even though everyone involved had to move on with their lives. They would never have fought for you if there wasn't love for you...
    all the best...
    GirlGrownUp, Still Dreaming

  6. Wow, Dorothy. It's amazing how much you look like one another. Especially in the picture of you at the top of the page of

    You and your father are also looking in the same direction with that same 'far away dreamy stare'!

    It's truly amazing.

    He's a very handsome man, you've definitely inherited his good looking genes.

    I hope it all works out well for you.


  7. My first thought exactly - you look so much like him! When I met my father I discovered I was soooo much like him. No wonder I was the way I was and why my family never understood me. It was a huge piece of the puzzle.


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