Why I Love My Job

This is a story that bears telling, yet I'm almost ashamed to tell anyone about, but here goes.

As some of you know, I wait tables at night to support my writing habit and to keep a roof over my head. A writer's gotta do what a writer's gotta do.

It was Friday night and not too busy as it's not peak season in my parts, but I was restless to get back home and start on the proposal for the soul mate book, rewrite the Sisterhood book, finish the free e-book I'll be offering in a couple of days (stay tuned for that), work on the free e-book that my writer's group and I are compiling (again, stay tuned) and redo my writing group's webpage.

Lots of stuff to do and I was stuck at work.

I was wiping down the salad bar when SHE came through the door.

SHE is kind of hard to explain. Think of Mama from "Throw Mama from the Train"...annoying older lady that you wished there was a train close enough to really throw her from and still that wouldn't be enough torture to behold on her.

The reason why SHE is so hated is because everytime she comes into the restaurant, she's all loud and complaining - real redneck-like - but more than that, more than anything she can be loud and complaining about, she really irks me because everytime she comes in with her loud self and waits for her order, she picks at MY salad bar.

Now, my salad bar is open to anyone who pays. Pay for a salad and I'm a happy camper, but DO NOT under any circumstances, walk in and pick at it like it's free for the taking.

She had done this every single time she has come in.

I was ready for her this time. I wanted to go home and had to stay and I was in just the right mood to let her have it.

As soon as she walked in, I manned myself right in front of the salad bar, pretending to be cleaning it. She walked past me, paid for her take-out, and sat at the table directly in front of the salad bar. I knew what she was doing. She wanted another freebie meal.

Well, I got tired of standing there and walked over to tell the other waitress to keep an eye on her and no sooner than I walked away to do this, SHE was at the salad bar, munching away as if this was a perfectly normal sane thing to do!

I ran in the back and asked the manager if she had paid for her take-out yet because I was going to get her good and charge her for the salad, but he said she had already paid.

Drats.

I walked back out in the dining room, defeated.

She got me again.

I was talking to one of my tables and I heard this woman yelling again. I figured SHE was complaining about something again, but instead, she was frantically looking for her car keys that she must have dropped.

I ran in the back and they were all laughing and I wanted to know why.

They had hid her car keys.

Now, don't take pity on this woman. Some people need to learn a lesson or two the hard way; such as, maybe not to come back?

Actually, they were still up on the counter, only there was a menu on top of them.

I watched her scream at her grandson who was sitting at the table munching down on potato sticks and throwing crayons all over the place and running all over the place, out the door to her car and running back in like a chicken with her head cut off.

It was so hard to walk past her without dying in hysterics. Everyone was in the back just cracking up and, believe me, this was a moment of triumph.

Everyone hated her...dreaded to see her come in... and poor thing, she lost her keys...

She caught me looking (laughing) at her and said, "Can I use your phone? I can't find my car keys!"

I said, "Is it local?"

"Yes!!!!" she screamed. "I've got to call my husband!"

I dialed the number for her and walked over to the drink machine and I could hear her say, "Walter! Walter! Answer the damn phone, Walter!"

I could imagine what Walter looked like if I judged him by her appearance. We were dying to see what this Walter looked like.

But, the manager felt sorry for her eventually and gave her back her keys before we had a chance to find out.

And, you know what she did when she walked out????

WALKED BY THE SALAD BAR, GRABBED MORE FOOD AND PRANCED OUT!

Arrrgggghhhhhh.....