Saturday, October 8, 2005

Can Someone Tell Me Where I Put My Sanity?

Sometimes I think I'm really losing it.

No, really.

Last night beat my other night from hell. I go into work and just when I think I've got the new computers mastered and the doctor calls and says the bloodwork came out fine and nothing's wrong with me (then why am I so freaking tired all the time?), I do something so stupid, so lamebrain, that it makes me realize maybe I'm so far gone even the doctors can't diagnose me.

For starters, I pulled a double. I've tried in vain to get the boss to hire someone to help me, but he insists I'll make more money this way. I don't care about the money. I just want my sanity back.

So, it's Friday night and I've already worked the day shift, but thank the gods, goddesses, whoever, I do have someone to work with me for the night shift. I've gotten to the point where the computers are starting to make half sense and I'm thinking tonight is going to be better, tonight is going to be better.


I don't know whose brain I want to kill when they came up with the idea that we must keep all our guests' checks and money on our persons. What happens if someone gives you a hundred dollar bill? Oh, they say ask the manager to break it for you. That's fine, but what if the manager is so busy himself and he completely ignores you and you're tired and you're frustrated and you say to hell with it and take out money you've brought to work and change it with that and stuff the hundred in your pocket?

And then what happens when you get busy and even more tired than you could possibly imagine and all you do is rant and rave about you're going to quit and work somewhere else?

They ignore you. They think you're just stressing and you'll be better in the morning.

Well, he -'s morning and I've not been able to sleep and so I'm on here thinking it will be some kind of therapeutic miracle and afterwards I can go back to sleep so that I can get up and do it all over again.

But the real reason I can't sleep and the real reason I'm up at this ungodly hour when I've got to be to work in a few hours and need all the sleep I can get it is because something so terrible happened, even worse than being tired but was a direct cause of it, I lost that hundred dollar bill.

I went to cash out and the hundred dollar bill was gone. I searched my pockets and came up with nothing. I wanted to cry.

I did cry later...all the way home from work.

I had no other alternative but to pay for that hundred dollar bill out of my own pocket or I wouldn't get the privilege of going back to that hell hole tomorrow.

I don't know where that hundred dollar bill went, but my hunch is I thought it was a one dollar bill when giving someone back change.

There is one lucky person out there that is a hundred dollar richer and I hope that person does some good with it. It's not the money. It's the fact that it only goes to prove how much I'm losing it.

One day, I wish, that I can live off my writing because working majorly sucks right now.


  1. That's the pits. Maybe you stuck it in a pocket and it will turn up in the laundry. If you find it later, imagine what a nice surprise it will be. I went to stash some money in a pocket of my checkbook and found a twenty I had stashed there some time back and forgot about.

    When I left Corporate America and went back to school, I was living on my savings account. Every penny counted, and near the end I had gone to Sam's to get some items I needed to prepare my kit for my state board exam. I had a fifty dollar bill in my pocket, but I also have this bad habit of walking with my hands in my pocket -- along with the [former] bad habit of not putting folding money in my wallet like a good boy.

    As you might guess, somewhere in one of Sam's aisles I obviously withdrew my hand from my pocket and lost the fifty. I didn't discover it was missing until I got into the checkout line. I had to put a lot of things back since I only had twenty or so in my wallet.

    That one hurt. I hope the person who found it really needed it.

  2. Whenever I do something like loose money, or other valuables, I ask the goddess (or god) to make sure that someone who really needs it gets it.

  3. FTS and Julia, thanks for responding to my "senior" moment. I still haven't found it and I figure that someone out there needed it more than I did. I sure hope they fed their kids with it anyway. Maybe I'll get a brownie point for this, who knows. Today went better and you better believe I watched my pocket like a hawk anytime I went in or out of it. ;o)

  4. Dorothy - you're so busy and overstressed, you're bound to think you're losing it, bound to misplace something and definitely bound to be exhausted. Give yourself a break. Better yet, do something nice for yourself. Take some time and regroup. Everything will work out better for it.

  5. Hi Kathy!!! Well, I think you're right. Instead of being on the computer, I'm stretched out on my bed with my doggies watching "Legally Blonde" and laughing my ass off. It feels good. Of course, I had to check my email real quick!


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